By setting aside and devoting quiet personal time to your thoughts you will be able to guide your thought in a more positive direction. Determine if your problem can be changed, if it can be changed, set up a positive plan to change it. In some cases there is no closure or resolve. Use this re-frame... tell yourself... I accept the things I can not change. Com on, say it now with me...I accept the things I can not change... again.... I accept the things I can not change. This is just another great mental exercise you can give yourself!

If I say I accept the things I can not change sounds a little like a prayer that’s because it is. Twelve step programs often us it. It’s by St. Francis and it goes like this...God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

As you might guess, Jennifer also renewed her relation with her higher power. With a strong faith she could turn her problems over to her higher power and really mean it. It can’t be just lip service. She found out what let go and let God was all about. She felt a lot of comfort and relief once she could do this. Also once she started living according to how her higher power would have her live, she found great peace coming from with in her-self. Jennifer found out how important forgiveness of herself and others really was.

Of course if your a confirmed agnostic... you could write your problems down on a piece of paper, put it in a jar and bury it in the back yard. it would always be there if you wanted to look it up. It might surprise you to look at the list in six months. Some of the problems would have taken care of themselves, while other problems no longer hold as much importance as they once did.

No doubt other people, possibly even loved ones, have made comments to you that have hurt. They may not understand the pain you are going through right now. You can’t expect them to understand unless they also have had personal experience with depression.

Let’s look at some additional mental tools you can start using today. You may have to really think about them... but they will apply in most cases.

What is more important?... our interpretation of a comment or/// the will meaning intentions of the giver. Jennifer has a relative that, in Jennifer’s mind was always making hurtful comments like... Just snap out of it or... I told you it wouldn’t work out or... your dead relative is better off now. Our friends or relatives may not make the most tactful comments but, most of the time they are making the comment out of concern for our well being. Once Jennifer realized this and used her re-frame she started giving her relative an A for effort instead of an F for content. Of course another way to look at it is... they just earned a C average.

Who among us always knows the right thing to say... all the time, every time. I personally am always lost at a funeral, other than how terribly sorry I am and if there’s anything I can do... you know the rest. I do however give my comments out of love and concern. Jennifer had fewer hurtful situations once she started giving credit for her relatives concern. Jennifer started giving others and her self the right to be human.

Also... consider the source. Who gave the comment? Do you respect them? Have they set a good example? Are they speaking from experience? Would you want to life their life? Jennifer stopped dwelling on hurtful comments from a lot of her family and friends once she considered the source. If she highly respected the source.... there could be some helpful suggestions in their comments... even if they were perceived as hurtful.

We all have a tendency toward wanting the people closest to us to be wise... sensitive... witty... caring and alwaysthinking as we do and saying what we want to hear. Jennifer loved her relative, even though the comments were hurtful, at least the way Jenniver had preceived them. This had gon on for as long as Jennifer could remember. This relative would just blurt out whatever he was thinking, that’s just the way he was! Jennifer had to consider whether or not she was being realistic about what she expected from this relative.

Jennifer knew how hard a major chang in her own life was. Could she really expect her relative to make a complete change in hhis personality? Of course not! Jennifer was not being realistic.

When Jennifer applied this reality check to losing her last job, sh4e realized she was not being singled out, her company let several others go in a down-sizing effort. She was eventually hired at a growing company that was up-sizing!

Another bit of reality is that others who were let go from the same job as Jennifers were actually very happy to be let go. They looked at the dismissal as a short break and a chance to find a better job.

Your exercise here would be to evaluate each situation that you find hurtful. Are you being realistic in your expectations? If not, tell yourself “Be realistic here.” It would be unrealistic to expect whatever it is that you expedt to happen. Possibly your company to keep you while they let others go or your relative to start changing his personality and responses Be realistic!

Jennifer is not saying... never get mad under any circumstance. In fact anger has been an emotion that had been missing in Jennifer’s life, ever since her depression started. Getting mad or angry at tiemsd instead just being hurtis a good ... normal... healthy response at the appropriate times. You may want to reserve your commens though until you have had a chance to think them through, If you feel the urge to get physical... exercise or take a self defence course... or find a punching bag to take it out on. You could also jind a place to just shout it out.

For years now Jennifer’s relative would make a hurtful comment and Jennifer would snap back. A fight would ensue and Jennifer would always feel bad afterwards. If Jennifer just kept her feelings to her self... she felt even worse! What mental pill could Jennifer use for this situation? She certainly needed one.

The answer was so simple Jennifer wondered why it hadn’t occurred to her sooner.Jennifer would communicate differently with different people. When she ordered pizza from the local shop she would always speak slow and loud, Gino was hard of hearing and she wanted her order right.. Jennifer would never ask one of the girls at work, how are you. The answers were always too depressing and too long. Instead Jennifer would shout out good morning Beth! Her boss’s pet peeve was when Jennifer would reply with “WHAT” instead of “Yes Jim.” All this time and Jennifer han never learned how to reply to her relatives comments. She has been responding in the same way and getting the responses, bad ones!

What would work with this relative? Jennifer started her mental list. She was almost looking forward to trying out her list. This could be fun. She might try... Would you repeat that! I am not sure I heard you right. or I found taht comment offensive, did you mean it that way? Jennifer went on to find a great way to communicate with her relative and they are now the best of friends. Your exercise here would be the same. find new ways to communicate that will end a meaningful communications instead of a battle you don’t need. Have some fun with it, it WILL be worth the effort!

Jennifer also developed other mental tools she could use to handle comments that bothered her. How important are other peoples opinions and comments, really? Every one has a right to his opinions. Most of these comments would never affect Jennifer in any way. Are they really that important? The mental exercise practiced here? Stop taking the comments personally. Every one runs into certain personalities they may never agree with. The rude clerk at the check out, the grumpy Mail Man, the grouchy co-worker.

In reality Jennifer realized her contact with these grummpy personallities amounted to a few seconds a day. In effect, if she dwelled on these people, she was making her contact with them last a lot longer. She could easily handle a few seconds or minutes now and then.

Jennifer at times still found these situations hard to handle, even when she took into consideration that her mental health and well being were at stake. As is the case with many depressives, Jennifer was a caring sensitive person. Apathy was a stretch for her. Empathy and sympathy were however close at hand. Surely some, if not all of these grumpy...grouchy... angry hurtful people were showing outward signs of a very unhappy life. Jennifer found if she exercised a little empathy... sympathy... compassion and a grain of salt made these situations alot easier to accept. Be cautious with feelings of empathy here, you want to avoid feeling like they do.

We all have some painful memories and experiences. We tell ourselves we just can’t forget about them. No one could or would expect you to forget, but... it is time... more than time... to put your painful memories in their proper place and distance yourself from them. Yes your memories are part of your life, your past life.

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